For the average person, social settings are a source of anticipation and excitement, a time to share drinks, a meal, and discussion with friends. For Kevin, 30, a recovering alcoholic, these fun times require preparation and determination so that he won’t threaten the sobriety he has achieved through his hard work.
Nineteen months ago, Kevin was at risk of losing his job, was fighting with his mother, and had been involved in several hit and run car accidents. When he didn’t go out, he would drink at home. One way or the other, he would drink every night until everything there was to drink was gone. He could easily finish an eighteen pack of beer, or sometimes even up to thirty beers in one night. His difficult relationship with alcohol was exacerbated by an addiction to cocaine, a psycho-stimulant narcotic.
“Life is just good, the problems…you just don’t have to worry about any of the bullshit,” said Kevin of how he felt when high on cocaine.
Kevin, currently a resident of Coventry, works as a mechanic in a dealership. He lives with his wife in a house they own. After repeatedly being late for work because he was hung over, his supervisors told him he was fired. He asked his employer if he were to go to a rehabilitation facility and complete a program, could he return to work? Fortunately, his employer was willing to give him another chance.
Drinking Begins at Young Age
Kevin is far from alone in having to fight his way back from an alcohol and drug addiction.
In 2015, a study put out by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) determined that 15.1 million people over the age of 18 struggle with Alcohol Use Disorder. According to NIAAA, Alcohol Use Disorder is a “chronic relapsing brain disease, characterized by compulsive alcohol use, loss of control over alcohol intake, and a negative emotional state when not using.” It is classified as a mental illness. For some, the disease carries a stigma that people struggling with alcohol dependency are just “partiers” who are lazy and looking for excuses, or that they are crazy. On the contrary, people struggling with Alcohol Use Disorder are suffering as much as those with a broken limb, arthritis, and other physical diseases. And this disorder created a lot of suffering in Kevin’s life.
Read More: Resources On & Off Campus For Those Struggling With Alcohol Addiction
Kevin grew up in Manchester, Connecticut in a duplex he shared with his mother, three sisters, and his stepfather. Kevin’s grandparents lived below. He describes their family as “real close.” Although his relationship with his biological father has grown stronger as Kevin has gotten older he remembers times during childhood when his mother kept him at a distance. Kevin says he and his father would butt heads.
His drinking began when he was about 12. Kevin remembers having his first drink at a friend’s party. According to Kevin, his parents drank wine casually, but not excessively. Kevin would steal wine coolers from the refrigerator at home. He also knew older people who would buy alcohol for him and his friends. He was a self-described partier in his adolescence and his friends saw him as the “hook up” to get alcohol. Kevin says his genetic pre-disposition for alcoholism comes from his grandfather on his father’s side of the family. He says he also has what he calls “fear-of-missing-out syndrome”.
According to Kevin, he has never been diagnosed with any other mental illnesses. His sister suffers from bipolar disorder as well as heroin addiction.
“It’s just in my nature, I have an addictive personality, the party doesn’t need to stop,” Kevin said.
As the captain of the hockey team at his high school, Kevin was very social and spent a lot of time with his friends. Kevin and his friends began drinking at an early age and he became the center of attention by providing alcohol for their parties.
“Alcohol makes you laugh, you drink beers, you get drunk, you don’t have to worry about your problems for a little bit, you just mask them all, they don’t go away, but you’re just masking them,” said Kevin of how he feels when drinking.
At 17, Kevin was exposed to cocaine. He began using it consistently. He was hired to work for a roofing company. Older co-workers there used the drug, and offered it to him. In 2010, he worked for an overhead garage company, and “coke was wickedly accessible” through co-workers at that job as well, he says
A Need to be Truly Ready
“I was pretty much just selling it to get high for free,” said Kevin. He says this went on for about ten years.
When he was a teenager, Kevin’s drinking was a source of tension between him and his mother. After she found underage kids in their home in the presence of alcohol she kicked him out of the house.
For many years, Kevin’s parents pointed out his addictions and encouraged him to get help but he knew he would have to be truly ready to accept huge changes in his life before any rehabilitation effort would be successful.
The drug use and addiction to alcohol was perpetuated by a previous “toxic” relationship Kevin had with a woman, who was also addicted to cocaine and alcohol. He chose to move away to Colorado for a time to escape this negative relationship.
Kevin was arrested for possession of marijuana (less than a gram) when he was 18, and he was also charged with possession of alcohol by a minor.
Kevin then lost his license for six months and was charged a restitution fee. Kevin says he has been involved with several hit and run accidents caused by drinking and driving. He was involved in a hit and run accident in which he rear-ended a retired detective in Cape Cod, Massachusetts and fled the scene. The police interviewed Kevin; but no charges were filed. He was involved in a second hit and run on the day of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in New Haven in which he rear-ended a woman driving and fled. Again, the police interviewed him, but no charges were filed. Kevin was involved in a third hit and run in which he was driving a friend’s car late at night, drove into the back of a parked vehicle, totaled it, and fled. He was never arrested. Kevin had been drunk during every accident.
Out of Town Rehab
After nearly losing his job 19 months ago, Kevin entered into a 30-day inpatient rehabilitation program at River Oaks Treatment Facility, a facility outside of Tampa, Florida and an affiliate of American Addiction Centers.
He opted to attend an out-of-state facility to disconnect from everything and everyone, and focus solely on controlling his addictions. In Florida, there was no option for him to leave early, and call someone to pick him up.
According to Kevin, the program prepared him to return to his life in Connecticut. He says he developed an understanding of what was causing his excessive drinking. As part of his rehabilitation, Kevin would attend group-counseling sessions that helped him understand his triggers.
Those triggers were anything social, including playing softball and parties.
To mentally prepare for a party, Kevin often will attend an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting locally. He also developed the tactic of ordering a non-alcoholic beer which helps alleviate a need to physically hold a bottle while at a party, and also keeps people from asking if he would like a drink. He recognizes that even one drink could set him back considerably.
“I can’t afford to mess up my mortgage, my marriage, my life, my job, everything in general, and alcohol has an effect on that. I like being honest now, alcoholics are the biggest liars,” Kevin said.
His continued sobriety has been a combination of personal choice, using tools he learned in counseling and utilizing outlets, like AA in Connecticut for support. He also has a sponsor through AA.
According to AA, a sponsor is “an alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program and shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through AA.”
Back on Better Terms
Sobriety has allowed Kevin to purchase his first home and get back on better terms with his employer. He credits his family, his wife, and his sponsor, and the staff at River Oaks, as being the greatest sources of support through this process.
He chooses to not live in a “dry” alcohol-free house. His wife is a casual drinker, so there is alcohol present in his home, but Kevin doesn’t see that as a hindrance to his continued sobriety. However, Kevin’s wife has cut back on drinking alcohol in the home out of respect for his recovery. Kevin has abstained from marijuana use as well, to follow the guidelines of the AA program.
Kevin advises others struggling with addiction to drugs and alcohol to be prepared to make permanent changes in their lives as part of entering rehab.
He said it is possible to come back from drug and alcohol addictions, but that to fully recover it is necessary to change habits and commit to a substance-free social life and lifestyle.